Archive for The Humorist Way
05.16.08
Posted in The Humorist Way at 10:04 pm by admin
I think that most people will agree that grocery shopping is a somewhat of a chore. It’s not particularly exciting, and most of the time it’s a repetitive bore. In addition, one has to contend with crowds, rude shoppers, screaming children, spills, smells, obstacles, back-breaking lifting and carrying when one gets home, and the overall strain on one’s budget. The last thing that one would expect is the possibility that supermarkets might be displaying a less than serious side.
It was while I was shopping in a supermarket recently, that I began to ponder the possibility that there might be secret messages and jokes hidden for discerning shoppers to find. Now when I say secret messages, I don’t mean subliminal advertising, or some kind of diabolical plot. Rather it was the location of a particular grocery item near another, that set my imagination into overdrive.
In many supermarkets in Australia, and I presume in other countries as well, a small group of unrelated items are often placed on hanging hooks and displays on the outside of the normal shelf displays. For example, you may find inexpensive girl’s bracelets hanging from a small display in the soup section, or dog collars hanging from a pole in the cereal aisle. Obviously these items are completely unrelated and random, right?
But what if some of them aren’t? What if it’s not quite as indiscriminate as we think? What if there exists such a thing as “secret supermarket humour”? What if we are being subjected to a particular shop assistant’s sense of humour? What if you have been shopping in the same supermarket for years and have completely missed the subtlety of their jokes?
The incident that sparked my musings on this subject, were the small collection of items that I found in the baked beans section of a local supermarket. Hanging unobtrusively from the baked beans shelf as if they didn’t have a care in the world, was a selection of whoopee cushions.
While the subject of baked beans, flatulence and whoopee cushions might not be the stuff of refined conversation, I challenge you to help me in my quest to research this further. Will you join me? Are supermarkets having a joke with us? If so, I say, let’s encourage them in their efforts. After all, it may just provide a little light relief and make grocery shopping less of a chore.
In her spare time off from saving the world, Vicki likes to inject humour as often as possible into her contact with others, into her writings and into her weekly radio program. You can find out more about Vicki on her website http://www.nunnsense.net. Vicki Nunn is also an author on http://www.Writing.Com which is a site for aspiring writers.
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04.30.08
Posted in The Humorist Way at 6:51 am by admin
Watching the fans at a minor-league baseball game is just as fun as watching the
players. From the silent statues to the loud cartoon caricatures, from the self-
contained families and social groups to those who fully participate with the game,
from the normal to the abnormal to the absolutely bizarre, the crowd at the
stadium is a microcosm of the human race .
This world of characters can be categorized into three groups according to their
interest in the game. These three main groups may then be divided into several
subgroups.
The first group is the TBFs, which is short for “True Baseball Fans.” These are
mostly individuals who are not part of families or clubs who came to the game
together. TBFs only leave their seats between innings and are, for the most part,
completely focused on the game. They pay little attention to what goes on in the
stands and couldn’t care less for the promotional events. TBFs can be found within
social organizations and families, but they come for one reason and only one
reason: because they enjoy baseball and actually know the players.
Within the TBFs, you find the Statues, who are older men who sit still in their seats
the entire game, uttering only the occasional cheer, boo, or “Call ‘em, Blue!” They
are old-school fans who could probably tell you about watching Mickey Mantle and
Willie Mays play. Most Statues complain about how commercialized and business-
oriented the game has become, and prefer the minor leagues to the majors. Statues
are as much a fixture at the ballyard as the seventh inning stretch. It would take a
wrecking ball to the stadium or a fire to move them from their seats.
In contrast to the Statues, the rabid Hecklers cannot resist a single opportunity to
hurl insults at players, managers, coaches, and, most often, umpires. There are
only a handful of Hecklers at most games, but there is one who has a reserved seat
in the front row right behind home plate, ideal for giving the home plate ump a
piece of his mind in the rudest manner imaginable. He doesn’t speak very loudly,
but if you’re in his section, you hear his caustic remarks on every missed call. I sat
behind this prototypical Heckler one game when the umpire made several calls
unfavorable to the home team. His mouth ran nonstop, like a one-sided
conversation with no response from the object of verbal abuse. (Umps must be
required not to respond to fans unless their safety is threatened.) Count on
Hecklers at any sporting event, although some youth leagues are cracking down on
fans who don’t behave themselves.
The rare YEBF, or Young Enthusiastic Baseball Fan, is under 30 and appreciates both
the game of baseball and the spectacle of attending the event. I count myself
among this group. We are a little more interested in off-field or promotional events
than Statues, but tend focus ourselves primarily on the sporting event at hand.
Most YEBFs cheer very loudly for the home team when they get a hit or make a good
pitch or defensive play, and boo when appropriate, but tend not to be as insulting
as Hecklers. Most YEBFs will come to a game whenever it’s convenient, some even
have reserved seats or ticket books. Sadly, baseball is rapidly losing fans in my age
range. Who knows what will happen when the Statues pass on…
The final and most abundant subcategory is the MAFIF (Middle-Aged, Fairly
Interested Fan). These mostly range in age from 30 to 50, are usually married and
bring their spouses to the games, and tend to talk with them a fair amount, mostly
about baseball. Some even bring their children (primarily sons) who tend to be less
interested, but probably will become TBFs as they get older. MAFIFs like to just take
in and enjoy the game more than interact with the players and umpires. A MAFIF
might tell a Heckler to quiet down, even though they may quietly agree with the
Heckler’s sentiments. Baseball has a greater percentage of middle-aged fans than
most other sports, but like YEBFs, you can find them at other stadiums and fields.
One interesting and diverse bunch I guarantee you will find at every single minor-
league game are the TEs, “Team Employees.” They are always at the game because
they get paid to be there, and most have a fun time with it. Some, however, like the
ushers, custodians, ticket-takers and those who serve food and drinks at the
concession stands, are not into the game and seem not to have a lot of fun,
including the mobile vendors who must yell “Peanuts, get your peanuts here!”
Ushers, as an example, are more focused on making sure people stay in their seats,
avoid safety risks, and refrain from sitting in the wrong section. But those who have
the most fun at the games work in the pressbox, like the radio commentator, the
newspaper reporters, the sound effects technicians, the PA announcer, and folks
who work in the PR department. These last three groups have the most fun of them
all.(1) The regular PA announcer at my hometown ballpark is the voice, informer,
and chief entertainer of the crowd. He gets to participate in most of the on-field
promotions, along with the PR folks, but he mostly sits in front of the pressbox,
regaling the crowd with his own brand of post-modernist humor, aimed more at the
average adult than at kids or real baseball fans.
The group that forms most of the crowd at the average game is the TWBPSE
(pronounced twa-BIP-see), “Those for Whom Baseball is a Primarily Social
Experience.” Three subgroups are Families, SOs, and UKs. TWBPSEs only pay
attention to the game when something big happens or when there is a rally going
on. Otherwise, they talk, eat, drink, and walk around the stadium. Baseball seems
to serve better as pleasant background for a social evening than any other sport, so
for a TWBPSE, minor-league baseball is tailor-made for conversation, unlike sports
ruled by the timeclock that demand constant watchfulness. Baseball rewards close
attention, but forgives occasional diversions.
You’ll find many families at minor-league games because the games are billed as
good family entertainment, which they are. In fact, most families are there more for
the entertainment aspect than for the actual baseball game. There are rare
exceptions, like parents who are TBFs and who try to instill their love of the game in
their kids. But most families find games to be a relatively inexpensive, exciting and
out-of-the-ordinary afternoon or evening of fun that gives their kids a different and
enriching experience of the world. Here’s an example of a conversation you might
hear within a family group wherein the father is a TBF:
Father: Christy, see that man right there with the bat in his hand? He’s
trying to hit the ball with it, hoping to run around and touch all the bases.
Christy (daughter): I WANT ICE CREAM!
Mother: Maybe you should get her some ice cream. And take Josh to the
bathroom while you’re at it.
Father: But, honey, there’s a rally going on here, can’t you take them?
Mother: But I’m busy talking to my friend Flo here.
Father: (resignedly) Oh all right.
You will find members of SOs, or Social Organizations, at most games. SO members
can be coworkers (usually in a company that sponsors the team and has reserved
seats), members of religious groups, youth groups, or nonprofit groups. Most of
these organizations are present because they get discount admission or some
special package that usually includes a pre-game picnic. For SOs, the game is
purely intended to be a time for eating, drinking, and socializing. On Advertiser
Appreciation Nights or other times when certain groups get discounts, you’ll usually
have bigger crowds, but most of the noise they make is just in talking amongst
themselves. They may react when something big happens on the field, but the
game mostly provides a nice backdrop for their conversation. Here’s a sample
conversation within a business group:
Sam: What do you think about our stock options at this point?
Chris: I don’t know, Sam, the market’s a little iffy. (CRACK) Oh, look at that
ball go.
Sam: Yeah, but none of these guys will ever make it to the big leagues.
Anyway, what are you going to tell the boss at lunch on Monday?
There are two subgroups within SOs. First are the TFBMs, “Thanks For Bringing Me,”
who come with their organization and really enjoy the experience of minor league
baseball, but are not motivated enough to go on their own. They are truly happy to
be there and you often hear them lamenting, “Why don’t I do this more often?”
TFBMs are a significant target group for most teams’ advertising campaigns. Second
are the DKAS, “Dragged Kicking and Screaming.” These are mostly kids or adults
who may enjoy themselves, but wouldn’t be there in a million years if it was left up
to them. They are unlikely to come back unless dragged again with their group.
The final group makes up the minority of TWBPSE. The Uninterested Kids, or UKs,
consists of 7 to 16-year-olds who view the stadium simply as a cool place to hang
out, eat junk food, drink soda and meet other kids. UKs may or may not be there
with their families. They may be there with a youth group, but they often choose
not to sit with them the entire game. Mostly, they walk around the stadium in small
groups or stand in the aisles in the main concourse or between the stands and field
and chat about all manner of things, never baseball. Some UKs may stand and wait
for foul balls but not be interested in the game unless a ball comes their way.
Going to get food between innings can sometimes be an adventure, having to wind
your way around groups of UKs standing around and chatting.
If you want to see for yourself just what I mean, you can go to your local minor-
league stadium. Any event that is entertaining to watch and be a part of but can
also be followed by more dedicated people will usually feature this kind of spectator
breakdown. Scope out the social scene next time you’re at a sporting event.
People-watching is just as fun as watching the game, and you may actually find
yourself enjoying both.
Malcolm M. Kenton is a sophomore and full-time student at Guilford College in
Greensboro, North Carolina, who is majoring in Environmental Studies and Political
Science. When he is not at a Greensboro Grasshoppers’ game, he enjoys advocating
animal protection and environmental causes, politics, computers, and reading and
writing. He was the editor of his high-school newspaper and has had op-ed articles
published in the Greensboro News & Record.
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04.25.08
Posted in The Humorist Way at 6:58 pm by admin
Question: Do you know what a mentor is? According to the
dictionary, a mentor is “a wise and trusted counselor or
teacher.”
The key word here is “trust.” But who can you trust on the
Internet these days? There are so many scams and rip-offs, who in the world can you trust?
Well, believe it or not, not everyone and everything on the
Internet is a rip-off. There are plenty of individuals on
the Internet who have worked extremely hard to achieve
reputations that are beyond reproach.
These individuals are helping thousands of people every day, and making plenty of money honestly–without ripping people off, and have already arrived at the destination you want to be. Would you like to join them? You can. How?
Go to Google and type in the words “Internet marketing expert”. Carefully peruse the results pages. When you find an Internet marketing expert you like, check him out carefully to make sure he’s not a scam artist.
Once you’re satisfied he’s legitimate, buy his products,
subscribe to his newsletters, join his affiliate programs–
do whatever you have to do to work as closely with your
mentor as possible.
That’s the safest and best way to learn what you need
to know, and achieve your goal of making money on the
Internet!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Marketing Basics specializes in writing articles that teach,
explain and define basic marketing principles and
techniques. http://marketingbasics.blogspot.com/
Looking for a great home business opportunity? Run your own high-profit classified ad website! http://snipurl.com/bwdd
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03.25.08
Posted in The Humorist Way at 1:19 pm by admin
When I was born, I nearly died!
The vet said that I was too thick for the average pelvis, whatever that is.
My schoolteacher (bless her), always said that if I had two brains, I’d be twice as thick.
Not half as smart!
Anyway, I think of it as a compliment.
Granted, my head is a bit on the big side and the thickness of my skull is about an inch, but it never had an adverse effect on my ability to study the social habits of puppies and indigenous hedgehogs.
My hands are also a little on the large side. This did affect my dreams to become a pianist, a neurosurgeon, and a transvestite, but little else. I may well achieve all three dreams, as dreams are make believe and can be pharmacologically induced, what ever that is as well.
My feet are kinda clumsy as well but that is likely to be due to the fact that my small toes are larger than my “big” ones. I must wear my left shoe on my right foot, but that comes easy to me. And always did!
I do admit some confusion though, when it comes to the second shoe and foot.
What harm. No big deal.
Ok, I do have a funny shaped arse, but so do many people and I even have a pup with a puzzling posterior.
Dates can be difficult, and prunes can be pleasant.
My knob has a twist on it, but a twist is better than a turn.
My nose does give me problems all right, but if I had smaller fingers, it wouldn’t. It is much the same as my backside in that respect!
Education was never a problem, in dreams or in fact. I always thought of it as a pass-time for people who were stupid to begin with.
Romance in my life is a bit limited, simply because I don’t know what it is, or where to get it.
Money! I always had money because I inherited a pig farm. I don’t run it however, and don’t see the point in getting covered in excrement and porcine snot when I can manage both, without any pigs.
I live in a trailer, and enjoy a minimalist environment, and don’t have the space anyway.
I love Indian food, Russian Vodka, cotton burkas, the absence of Art and the occasional hirsutophile, with or without “jelly babies”.
Musically, I just love whistling and underarm acoustics in concert, and when possible.
My ideal partner was typically female with a classical education, no sense of smell, a tolerance for her own insomnia (which they seem to develop), and some mastery with a loofah.
I fear though, that such partners are a dying breed, and I may not meet any more of them.
However, I will settle for anyone bereft of the above qualities, except the sense of smell caveat.
If I had to live my life again, I’d do so without the curried fries of the 1980’s and with better ear maintenance during the 1960’s. The rest, was perfect!
About the Author
Thick Mick is an “expert” columnist with www.TheTrivialTimes.com
Please forgive him his dimentia as someone had to be the first to suffer a nut allergy.
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